Wives and Mothers-in-laws

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January 15, 2013 by kamify

Caucasian senior woman and middle aged woman face to face arguing. Photo (070116w0369)

I remember growing up as a child and my mother telling me that before she got married to my father, she had wished for her mother-in-law to be gone,as a child I never understood what she meant by that until I grew up and saw many hazard most mother-in-laws could cost on their son’s homes.In another sense I felt that sometimes what you wished for others could in turn come to you.Every woman will someday become a wife and every wife will someday become a mother and every mother will someday be an in-law .

For some wives,their mothers-in-law is one in a million while for others it could be hell on earth.I took time to study out reasons why most mother-in-laws are irrational when it comes their son but are rational when it comes to their  daughters, I came to a conclusion that most mothers hates sharing their son’s love and attention.

In African where I come from,back in those days  mothers of the groom decides if the woman stays or leaves,they choose on days to come to your house,what you cook for their son and when to have sex with your husband but thank God that things are changing now.

I watched a program on Dr Phil,where he talked about warning signs of future mothers in law problems and these were his points,if you notice these signs then just tighten your belts because it shows trouble is coming.

  • Mother-in-law is insensitive; doesn’t respect boundaries
  • Mother-in-law is overly dependent on son for emotional and lifestyle support
  • Partner clearly puts mother-in-law needs/requests ahead of yours
  • Partner talks to mother daily; drops everything when she calls
  • Partner values mother’s advice and opinions over yours
  • Partner runs to mother when arguments occur
  • Mother-in-law attacks your character
  • Mother-in-law treats her son like he’s still a child/competes with you
  • During family gatherings, you’re overlooked or ignored by mother-in-law
  • Mother-in-law actively campaigns against your marriage.                                                                                                                  If the you notice theses above sign and you still want to stay in the relationship ,here are some advice from Dr Phil to help you manage your in-law
  • There can be no divided loyalties. When you get married and start your own family, that’s where your primary loyalty needs to be.
    • Good fences make good neighbors. Your in-laws need to be your neighbors and there need to be really good fences up. Set boundaries about when they are and are not invited into your lives.
    • You’ve got a finite amount of physical and emotional energy. If you’re in-laws are draining you, you may need to change the boundaries. Reassure them that you are not closing them out, you are simply focusing on yourselves.
    • Once you’ve set boundaries, talk to your parents about them. They’re not as fragile as you may think.
    • The other woman in every man’s life is his mother. If your husband starts in with: “Well, my mother does it this way …” then tell him to go over and sleep with her.
    • If a wife has a problem with her mother-in-law, it’s the husband who needs to step in and help fix it. Likewise, if a husband doesn’t see eye-to-eye with his in-laws, his wife needs to step in. The person with the primary relationship (the son or daughter, not the in-law) needs to be the messenger.
    • Negotiate with your own partner the role that you want your in-laws to have. Don’t assume you’re on the same page until you talk about it.
    • Try not to criticize your spouse for his/her relationship with his/her parents. It may only lead to more complications.
    • You need to love your parents, and have a rich and active relationship with them, but any time that you turn away from your partner to resolve a relationship issue, that’s a bad thing. If you have a problem in the marriage, you need to resolve it in the marriage.
    • Keep in mind that your parents only know what you tell them. If you go to them every time you’re angry, and frustrated and having problems in your marriage, they hear that, but they don’t hear when you make up.
  • I hope these advice can help you in building good relationship with your mother-in-law.I am so happy mine is in the class of ONE IN A MILLION!
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